Friends, please excuse the excuses...but I've been kind of busy turning a page of my life. Ya know, the one where you change the first number in the first slot of your age? Man, it's almost surreal.
My absence has made my heart grow fonder, I might add. I have created lists upon lists of which I need to blog about, yet my time to sit down and be disciplined to type has escaped me. I must not embrace the mirage that everything must be quiet, peaceful, perfect (ya, the "blogging mood"), which seems to be few and far between in my world.
So I've been blessed. I mean, it's just so obvious. I've been given grace, clothed with Christ, and prompted to represent Him in the ways I do. I've got a once-in-a-lifetime wife, the most animated and darling 2-year old daughter, and a roof over my head. We have food, energy, beds, clothes, toys, gadgets, comforts, debt--we have it all, you see. And yet it's all very simple.
I'm thankful to God for giving me 30 years. That's 10,950 days of morning...of sleep...of life. And I can't help but beg Him for another 30 years--for another 60 years even! But ya know what? I'd settle for another decade. I'd be more than happy with another 5. I'd be just peachy to see what might happen over the next 12 months. And I'm scared and thrilled about what God's got in store for the next 3 months...
If you're like me, you're mostly happy with who you are. Yes, we celebrate our gifts, we have developed a healthy self-image, massage our self-worth as others encourage our self-esteem, but there's something else absent. There's this realization and recognition that I may actually be the person whom God has given multiple talents to and I've only multiplied a few of them--I haven't applied them all, or doubled them as the story goes. And it's not that we beat ourselves up about this, but it's more of a nagging reminder that we need to be who God has made us to be. Period. End of story--anything else is like a minor league baseball player with all the goods for the Big Leagues intentionally choosing to stay where he's at, turning a blind, lazy eye to the obvious mechanics of his game that would elevate him to the place that he's meant for.
I don't want to be that guy. Shame on me for all the time I sense I've wasted in the minors. At this point, I wouldn't blame the ownership for cutting ties with me altogether.
And yet, somewhere between this place of awakening and frustration...of unrest and dissatisfaction, I remember the words of my Creator, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart." And maybe that would accurately describe where I've been and where I want to be. Perhaps I've not experienced the fullness of Christ I desire at my core because my pursuit has not been with my entire heart, my entire being. And God's promise is so simple, astounding, and real.
I'd like to share with you a brief life vision I have for the next, oh, 3 months or so. You see, I've got just a few weeks over that time before my son, God-willing, comes into this world looking for his daddy. An earthly daddy which should reflect His heavenly daddy. And am I ready? I recently heard about this idea, this plan that has assimilated by several churches (particularly men's groups) to read the entire Bible in 90 days. I don't know where that strikes you--does 90 days seem like a large number, or does the task seem daunting because most of our Bibles have 4-digit page numerals at their end?!
I am completely hooked at the aggressiveness of this idea. I'm waking up and smelling the aroma of God's promise--He has agreed to meet me! He has agreed to be found--but it requires all of me, and I sense the place where that begins is from this day forward--my 30th birthday. And so for the next 90 days, my strength and mind and heart and soul will pour over God's very thoughts and words, thus launching my quest to find out more of who He is and what He's all about. I don't want to be the 1 talent guy, stuck stuttering and trembling in fear of failure. And I certainly don't want to be some hybrid talent guy who did a few things well but was capable of so much more.
God, make me your vessel. I'm asking for faith and discipline on this journey as I embark to find you. It's not that you've been hiding; I've just been choosing to sit in time-out. I beg you to reveal to me a purpose for my life that I can't imagine, though I might try to guess and piece it together on my own. You guide me, and give me the wisdom as I lead my family closer to you, and as we remain faithful to your calling. And Lord, if the conviction you've placed on my heart resonates with another, then I pray for your Spirit to move in a mighty and mysterious way. If not this idea of a 90-day feast, then may it be another innovation of restoration for their soul--at the end of the day we just want to know you more. Thank you for your holiness, your presence, and your grace in our lives. I'm coming back to the heart of my life's worship--I'm coming back to you. Thanks for waiting and not giving up on me.