What's in a phrase?

Jesus said: "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God" (Matthew 19:24; Mark 10:25; Luke 18:25). Some scholars have claimed this memorable, even humorous, quotation is a translation that has been mistaken. Some Greek and Armenian versions of the Bible refer to a "rope" rather than a camel. However...proverbs taken from the Talmud and the Koran do allude to a large animal, perhaps even one so large as an elephant, passing through a needle's eye. Jesus may have chosen the word "camel" for emphasis so that no one would forget the illustration.

Or another possible explanation is that the ancient cities which had walls built around them for safety also provided an "after hours" entrance--a very small gate or gateway which would allow a camel to go through it only if it were made to crawl through the gate after it had been unloaded. This was called the "eye of the needle." It was made very small for security reasons. Only one person or animal at a time could enter. If the people entering were bent on mischief or making trouble, they could be dealt with by the guards one at a time.

But in any translation, explanation, or interpretation...let's not lose the meaning. It is difficult for people who have learned to trust in their riches to humble themselves so that they, too, can enter the kingdom of God.

Weekly Office

February 1 - "Attention! Attention! We only have a few weeks left and most of you are just as fat as the day we began." (Dwight)

February 2 - "Serenity by Jan is kicking butt and taking names. Remember last week when that girl went missing; guess whose candles they used for the vigil?" (Jan)

February 4 - "Jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor. And Michael is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with Dwight. Now this baby will be related to Michael through delusion." (Jim)

February 5 - Michael: "What's so funny?" Pam: "You had to be there." Michael: "Oh, hey! Geography joke."

February 7 - "Hey everybody, I just invited Jim to 'suck it' and I am cordially inviting all of you to a special convention, a--a lonely hearts convention this afternoon, singles only...We may not have someone in our lives that we love, but we do have each other." (Michael)

February 8 - Michael: "Pam, I would like you to meet Ronni. We call her 'Rice-a-Ronni.' She is hilarious, she is wonderful; a beam of light in this dark, dark office. Not really so much. All she does is plop herself down there and answer phones all day." Pam: "The nerve."

The Witch's Broom

Once upon a time there was a witch named Grizelka who chalked up a very enviable record when it came to witchery. If you don't believe me, just look at her resume:

-Sleeping Beauty: Cast highly effective spell on young female, putting her in a state of slumber for several decades.
-The Frog Prince: Turned member of the royal family into an amphibian. Received wide publicity.
-Hansel and Gretel: Successfully enticed two young siblings to a house in the Forest using sweet food as bait.

Naturally, when it came time to give out the award for The Best Witch of the Year, Grizelka won. At her acceptance speech to the Academy of Witches, she moved almost everyone to tears.

"I'd like to thank all the little people who made this possible. Like that guy I shrank to fourteen inches tall after he said something about the wart on my nose. And I'd especially like to thank my assistant, also a little person, the gnome named Harry. I'll treasure this gold-plated skull the rest of my unnatural life!"

Well, sir, after that, Grizelka's stock soared high, and as far as she was concerned, every night was like Halloween. One day, a typical day, Harry and Grizelka were busy in her cobweb-filled house, hashing out her schedule.

"Okay," Harry said, glancing at the clipboard. "Tomorrow you're due to fly to London to touch off the Year of the Plague. And then you've got a banquet for the Society for the Humane Treatment of Trolls."

"Cancel that till Monday. Tomorrow I've got to lock this lady Rapunzel in a tower and then run over to the--"

Suddenly, the door to the witch's little house creaked open and there stood the most handsome prince in the world. "Ah, fair lady, could I trouble you for a flagon of water?" Such a request wasn't exactly the wisest thing the prince had ever done. In fact, it was tantamount to committing hari-kari.

"Instead of water, try a sip of this!" said mean old Grizelka, handing him a hissing, steaming cup of newts' knees, bat tripe, and other ingredients that would probably not pass FDA inspection, but would turn the prince into a tree stump. Still, witches too have hearts and, at the very last second before the concoction touched the prince's lips, Grizelka's was struck by Cupid's arrow.

"Don't drink that!" she shouted, and knocked it to the floor. The liquid burned a hole three feet deep. "My word," said the prince. "It must be carbonated."

With that, he made a courtly bow, and excused himself to go to the well outside to quench his thirst. Grizelka stared wistfully through the window. For the next few days, Grizelka just couldn't concentrate on her witchery. She sent Snow White a poisoned kumquat instead of a poisoned apple. She turned bats into bunny rabbits. She tried to put people to sleep, but just made them tired and cranky. Finally, she admitted to herself that she was in love--but because she was horribly ugly, even by witchly standards, she knew she could never win the prince. And so she went to the magic mirror--which charged only $100 for fifty minutes--and asked for advice.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall--and don't you dare crack on me--how can I win the prince's love?" The mirror responded, "Why don't you cast a spell on yourself? I'm afraid our time is up. I must go before I crack up myself."

Of course! The mirror was right. If Grizelka changed herself into a beautiful princess, the prince would fall in love with her. For two weeks she worked on the project, stirring a cauldron full of wolfbane, mice wings, and artificial flavors and colors. Finally, it came time for the age-old incantation. "Over the teeth and through the gums, look out stomach, here it comes!"

She drank it and--POOF!--where the witch once stood, there was an enchanting princess. The next day, the newly beautiful witch went to the royal ball. When she got there, the prince and the king were in the corner, talking.

"Well, my son, how are you enjoying the ball?" asked the king.
"Oh, I'm having a ball, Dad."
"I know that, but how are you enjoying it?"
But before the prince could answer, he spotted the most beautiful maiden he had ever seen. "You're beautiful, you're lovely, you're engaged...to me! Am I rushing things?"

Grizelka shook her head. A whirlwind romance ensued. They went to the opera, to the ballet, to be-headings. But there was one little problem. They were never alone. For wherever they went, along came a broom--they broom that Grizelka used to ride on her nightly forays. It would ride i the carriage with them, sit next to them at shows. There was just no escaping her past. The prince began to get a bit suspicious. "Now, I have nothing against cleaning instruments in general," he said. "I just want to be alone with you."

Desperate, Grizelka decided to shell out another $100 and go to her old mirror on the wall. The mirror counseled her, "Ah, well, it is all psychological my dear. You see, that broom over there has a sort of dust complex. Now that you're a princess, it's lonely. It misses its former owner. And it no doubt still thinks you are a witch."
"Well, what can I do?"
"The answer is simple. Get it a gride."

Now, in medieval English, which is what the mirror was speaking, the word gride mean dustpan. So, the witch immediately purchased a small but attractive dustpan and set it beside the lonesome broom in the broom closet. The rest happened naturally.

In the end, when the prince and princess got married, they had a double wedding with the happy cleaning instrument couple. So, as you can see, not only was there a bride and a groom, but there was also a gride and a broom.

Weekly Office

January 22 - "Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up, I performed my own circumcision." (Dwight)

January 24 - "I'm excited to lose weight for the wedding because I really want to have washboard abs the first time Angela sees me naked." (Andy)

January 26 - Holly: "No! You do not talk to him like that!" Angela: "But he's an idiot." Holly: "He is not an idiot. He is mentally challenged. But he's doing a super job here." Kevin: "Wait, back up. Do you think that I'm retarded?"

January 27 - "Well, I was in the seminary for a year and dropped out because I wanted to have sex with this girl, Cathy. Followed her back to Scranton, took the first job I could find in H.R. Later, she divorced me, so, no, I wouldn't say I have a passion for H.R." (Toby)

January 28 - "When held over heat, the invisible ink will reveal that everyone should meet at the warehouse immediately. Do not ask me where I got the invisible ink...Urine. It was urine." (Dwight)

January 29 - "I have an enormous amount of trouble trying to get people to come to my place and I hate it. I can't tell you how much leftover guacamole I have ended up eating over the years. I don't even know why I make it in such great quantities." (Michael)

Some Serious Influence

His active life work lasted a bit less than 3 years. He held no political position in public life. He had almost no money and very few material possessions. He never wrote a book, poem, or song. He never painted a picture. He is not known for any clever invention. He never used force, other than throwing moneychangers out of the temple. He was hated by the religious and political authorities, arrested, condemned, tortured, and executed. And yet...

His teachings are of enormous relevance for us today. If what He said was true, we have the answers, profound answers, to some of the greatest questions that have perplexed peoples down through the centuries of time. These are issues of life and death, God and humanity, humanity relating to each other, time and eternity...and a whole lot more. His life and character wrapped up in a single being what all of us would like to be in our best moments.

His death, beyond any question or dispute, was the most famous death in all of human history. No other death has aroused even a fraction of such intense feelings over these hundreds of years. This death is still the subject of study. His resurrection was either the most outstanding event of all time or else a monstrous hoax perpetrated on a trusting humanity.

And today...about 2,000 years after these events took place in history...more than 1,400,000,000 people throughout this world profess to follow Him. (This is approximately one-third of the world's population.) Few have the luxury of being neutral about Jesus. No other human being has been so loved and so hated, so adored and so despised, so proclaimed and so opposed.

Take a Moment to Remember

At those times when you're feeling insecure, inept, and unsuccessful, when it seems as if every person you know is more successful and accomplished that you are, it's important to take a moment to remember that:

-Alexander the Great, who conquered the world before his thirtieth birthday, did not graduate from high school.

-Plato, considered by many to be the greatest philosopher in history, never read a single book.

-William Shakespeare, the greatest writer in history, did not know how to type.

-Christopher Columbus, the man who sailed across uncharted oceans in a tiny wooden sailing ship to discover America, never drove a car.

-John D. Rockefeller, once the richest man in the world, was never approved for a credit card.

-Knute Rockne, the legendary Notre Dame football coach, never won a single NCAA championship.

-Amadeus Mozart, perhaps the greatest composer in history, did not even own a radio.

-In his entire lifetime, not a single article about Leonardo da Vinci, one of the greatest scientists and artists in history, ever appeared in a major magazine.

-And Benjamin Franklin, the legendary statesman and inventor, never successfully programmed his own DVR.

Weekly Office

January 13 - Holly: "Today we're going to have a business ethics seminar recently, without mentioning any names, there has been some misconduct at corporate and we have a very strict ethics policy and that employee has been fired." Kevin: "Oh, come on. He's right there. He was hired. Ooh, check it out, hired guy!"

January 14 - "Okay, Dwight, let me explain something to you. I set the rules and you follow them blindly, okay? And if you have a problem with that, then you can talk to our complaint department. It's a trashcan." (Michael)

January 17 - "Oh, I went zip-lining my third day in Costa Rica. I guess the harness wasn't strapped in exactly right. I broke my neck. And I've been in the hospital five weeks now. Still haven't seen the beach." (Toby)

January 18 - "I happen to be losing weight on my own for my own reasons. The truth is, I have lost a little of my speed, a little of my fire. Here's what I used to look like. Look at those biceps. We were fighting the power and eating whatever we wanted." (Stanley)

January 19 - "When Michael told us that Jan was pregnant, he led us to believe that he was the father. By telling us that he was the father." (Jim)

January 20 - "People expect a lot from these meetings: laughter, sudden twists, surprise endings...You need to be Robin Williams and M. Night Shyamalan. You need to be 'Robin Shyamalan.'" (Michael)

January 21 - Ryan: "That's me and my friend Jasmine from Thailand." Pam: "I don't want to look at your friend Jasmine's boobs all day." Ryan: "You could be hot, too, if you made any effort at all."