Office Love

So I was eating crow, "humble pie," whatever you want to call it when it came to the Oscars. I thought the Academy Awards show itself was fantastic, just sort of lame-o and predictable on the winners and such. I realize I've been away from some Office quotes, and it doesn't help that the show has been missing from new episodes for the past 2 weeks. And so, without further adieu, I will bestow upon this fine Monday a plethora of quotes that will make you smile, chuckle, and reminisce for the return of our great show. Enjoy!

January 30 - "Oh well. If they're not together now, then they probably never will be. I thought they'd be good together, like P.B. & J. Pam Beesley and Jim. What a waste. What a waste." (Kevin)

January 31 - "I have been compared to a young Paul Newman. It's the eyes, and the face, I guess. Also, I make my own salad dressing. I mix Newman's Italian with Newman's Ranch. I sell it at flea markets for a small loss. I could make a profit if I changed one of the ingredients to Wishbone, but I won't do it." (Michael)

February 2 - "When I'm at home at night in my own house in my sweats drinking some red wine and watching my mystery stories, the last thing in the whole God-forsaken world I wanna hear is the voice of Michael Scott." (Stanley)

February 4 - "I'm petrified of nipple chafing. Once it starts, it is a vicious cycle. You have sensitive nipples...they chafe, so they become more sensitive, so they chafe more. So, I take precautions." (Andy)

February 5 - "Here we go. Everyone, this is a day that will live in infamy. 'Cause today is the day that Jim and Pam become one...I love you guys so much." (Michael)

February 7 - "Agritourism is a lot more than a bed and breakfast. It consists of tourists coming to the farm, showing them around, giving them a bed, giving them breakfast." (Dwight)

February 9 - "When I came home, Sprinkle's body was in the freezer, where Dwight said he left her. But all my bags of frozen French fries had been clawed to shreds...Something's not right. The vet's doing an autopsy." (Angela)

February 10 - "Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower, sometimes I spend too much time volunteering; occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me. No, don't sue me. That's the opposite of the point that I am trying to make." (Michael)

February 11 - "I have been involved in a number of cults--both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower. But you make more money as a leader." (Creed)

February 12 - "Who is this old fart? Did you just stagger off of the street? Out of a box or something? Who's this worthless bags of bones? Well, this guy is none other than one of the founders of Dunder Mifflin, Mr. Robert Dunder." (Michael)

February 20 - "Hey, Pam, by the way, it's great that you're dating, but when a new client calls, you have to just randomly assign them to a salesperson. You can't base who gets new clients on who you're sleeping with that week, okay?" (Phyllis)

February 24 - "Inspirational. What did we learn? Well, we have learned that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Because it is illegal, and you will go to jail." (Michael)

February 26 - "Spend your whole life trying to get people to like you and then you run over one person with your car. And it's not even one of the popular ones, and everybody gets on your case. Doesn't make any sense." (Michael)

February 27 - "Pam and Jim are together. Ryan is visiting. Only thing that could make this day any better is ice cream." (Michael)