Thursday, September 24, 2009

Weekly Office

June 17 - "I will be honest. The dating has not been going well. Look, men are visual creatures. We crave beauty. Like a piece of fine art by...any number of renowned artists. Or an arty photograph of Cindy Crawford nude. But the women I'm getting fixed up with are...blech. Not that they aren't nice, or that they don't have great personalities, it's, they just lack a certain...Crawfordness." (Michael)

June 22 - "I finally broke down and bought myself a plasma TV. Check it out. I actually hung this on the wall myself...Sometimes, I will just stand here and watch television for hours. I love it. I love this TV." (Michael, showing Jim his fifteen-inch television)

June 24 - "I wasn't really planning on leaving. All I wanted was a raise. How on earth did Michael call my bluff? Is he some sort of secret genius? Sometimes I say crazy things." (Stanley)

June 25 - "As I lay there, with Dwight sticking his grubby fingers down my throat, I could see the trees, and the birds and the afternoon sun. It was glorious. But I guess it sort of repulsed me because I threw up." (Michael)

June 26 - "Plan a party, Angela. Oh, and the entire world will see it. Oh, and here's sixty-five dollars for your budget. Oh, and here are four idiots who will do nothing but weigh you down. Oh, and your cat's still dead." (Angela)

June 30 - "Man became civilized for a reason. He discovered that he liked to have warmth, and clothing, and television, and hamburgers, and to walk upright, and a soft futon at the end of the day. He didn't want to struggle to survive. As the Elephant Man said to Cher, 'I am not an animal, I am a human being.'" (Michael)

July 27 - "Did you know that candles are the number one fastest-growing product in the scent and aroma market? Two billion-dollar-a-year industry! And for only $10,000, you could become a co-owner of Serenity by Jan. What do you think about that?" (Michael)

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