Weekly Office

August 19 - "Now okay, I know that this is probably not appropriate but I need help. Because I want to play ball with my kids before I get too old. And before that happens, I need to get laid. And before that happens, I need to be in love...I am a catch. And I am not going to be the one who got away. So this is what we're going to do. Dwight is going to hand out index cards and I want you all to write down the name of an eligible woman for me to date by the end of the day. No, by the end of the hour. Or you are fired." (Michael)

August 20 - "Today is Toby Flenderson's last day. I couldn't sleep last night. I came in extra early. So much energy. There are certain days that you know that you will remember for the rest of your life. And I just have a feeling that today is one of those days." (Michael)

August 21 - "Okay, here's what we're going to do. I'm going to instruct the kids about management and sales, Oscar will be in charge of accounting, Pam will be eye candy...No, and also because that is your alma mater. Darryl will hire some kids for the warehouse. You don't have to worry about internships with them because they definitely ain't going to college!" (Michael)

August 23 - Schneider: "Did Ms. Levenson say why she thought she was being fired?" Michael: "She thought it had to do with the twins. That's what I call them." Schneider: "Can you be more specific? Who are the twins?" Michael: "To be delicate--they hang off milady's chest. They make milk."

August 25 - "Okay, well, this will not do. Toby is going away forever and, ah, we need to do something very, very special. In some cultures, when somebody leaves, like New Orleans culture, they have a parade and they have a band and people party in the streets." (Michael)

August 30 - Michael: "We were joshing around. The two of us. And he said, 'Did I stutter?' And I said, 'Wha-wha-wha-what dog.' It was joking Toby, alright?" Toby: "He didn't seem like he was joking." Michael: "Well you don't get it. Because Stanley is a beautiful, sassy, powerful black man. And you're you. If you had any friends, you would understand friends joke with one another. 'Hey, you're poor.' 'Yeah, well, your mama's dead.' That's what friends do. It's...you're so white."

September 3 - Pam: "You mean 'leaves' as in 'dies'? You want us to throw Toby a New Orleans funeral?" Michael: "If the devil were to explode and evil were gone forever, what sort of party would you have?"