I Am an Urban Teacher

-I am an urban teacher.
-I will follow the universal code of urban teachers: Cover me.
-I believe that sexual education is a subject, not an after-school activity.
-I believe that all calibers are to be treated equally.
-I am confident that someday the ringing in my ears will disappear.
-I will never accept bribes when giving report-card grades; though, I will take all threats into consideration.
-I will not consider "The Effects of Drug on Students" an acceptable science project.
-I will always honor the memory of the Vice Principal for Disciplinary Affairs.
-I will never judge students by their race, creed, gender, or religion; only by the quality of their weapon.
-I will never carry cash during school hours.
-I will refuse to allow my chemistry students to make pipe bombs.
-I will never testify against a student.
-I will actively participate in the Parole Officers-Teachers Association.
-I will not permit students to throw food in the cafeteria while the food is still in the can.
-I will happily sell raffle books to raise funds for new batteries for the metal detector.
-I will never reply to a student's demands, no matter how outrageous, with the phrase "Over my dead body."
-I will fight fire with fire...but I will never fire first!
-I will never require my students to conjugate the verbs to confess, to squeal, or to lay.
-I will never enter the boys' room without first saying loudly, "Wait right here, Killer. I'll be right out."
-I will require all students who are absent to bring me a note from their gang leader.
-I am an urban teacher, hear my song: "Help" by the Beatles.