Decade

Friends, please excuse the excuses...but I've been kind of busy turning a page of my life. Ya know, the one where you change the first number in the first slot of your age? Man, it's almost surreal.

My absence has made my heart grow fonder, I might add. I have created lists upon lists of which I need to blog about, yet my time to sit down and be disciplined to type has escaped me. I must not embrace the mirage that everything must be quiet, peaceful, perfect (ya, the "blogging mood"), which seems to be few and far between in my world.

So I've been blessed. I mean, it's just so obvious. I've been given grace, clothed with Christ, and prompted to represent Him in the ways I do. I've got a once-in-a-lifetime wife, the most animated and darling 2-year old daughter, and a roof over my head. We have food, energy, beds, clothes, toys, gadgets, comforts, debt--we have it all, you see. And yet it's all very simple.
I'm thankful to God for giving me 30 years. That's 10,950 days of morning...of sleep...of life. And I can't help but beg Him for another 30 years--for another 60 years even! But ya know what? I'd settle for another decade. I'd be more than happy with another 5. I'd be just peachy to see what might happen over the next 12 months. And I'm scared and thrilled about what God's got in store for the next 3 months...

If you're like me, you're mostly happy with who you are. Yes, we celebrate our gifts, we have developed a healthy self-image, massage our self-worth as others encourage our self-esteem, but there's something else absent. There's this realization and recognition that I may actually be the person whom God has given multiple talents to and I've only multiplied a few of them--I haven't applied them all, or doubled them as the story goes. And it's not that we beat ourselves up about this, but it's more of a nagging reminder that we need to be who God has made us to be. Period. End of story--anything else is like a minor league baseball player with all the goods for the Big Leagues intentionally choosing to stay where he's at, turning a blind, lazy eye to the obvious mechanics of his game that would elevate him to the place that he's meant for.
I don't want to be that guy. Shame on me for all the time I sense I've wasted in the minors. At this point, I wouldn't blame the ownership for cutting ties with me altogether.

And yet, somewhere between this place of awakening and frustration...of unrest and dissatisfaction, I remember the words of my Creator, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart." And maybe that would accurately describe where I've been and where I want to be. Perhaps I've not experienced the fullness of Christ I desire at my core because my pursuit has not been with my entire heart, my entire being. And God's promise is so simple, astounding, and real.

I'd like to share with you a brief life vision I have for the next, oh, 3 months or so. You see, I've got just a few weeks over that time before my son, God-willing, comes into this world looking for his daddy. An earthly daddy which should reflect His heavenly daddy. And am I ready? I recently heard about this idea, this plan that has assimilated by several churches (particularly men's groups) to read the entire Bible in 90 days. I don't know where that strikes you--does 90 days seem like a large number, or does the task seem daunting because most of our Bibles have 4-digit page numerals at their end?!

I am completely hooked at the aggressiveness of this idea. I'm waking up and smelling the aroma of God's promise--He has agreed to meet me! He has agreed to be found--but it requires all of me, and I sense the place where that begins is from this day forward--my 30th birthday. And so for the next 90 days, my strength and mind and heart and soul will pour over God's very thoughts and words, thus launching my quest to find out more of who He is and what He's all about. I don't want to be the 1 talent guy, stuck stuttering and trembling in fear of failure. And I certainly don't want to be some hybrid talent guy who did a few things well but was capable of so much more.

God, make me your vessel. I'm asking for faith and discipline on this journey as I embark to find you. It's not that you've been hiding; I've just been choosing to sit in time-out. I beg you to reveal to me a purpose for my life that I can't imagine, though I might try to guess and piece it together on my own. You guide me, and give me the wisdom as I lead my family closer to you, and as we remain faithful to your calling. And Lord, if the conviction you've placed on my heart resonates with another, then I pray for your Spirit to move in a mighty and mysterious way. If not this idea of a 90-day feast, then may it be another innovation of restoration for their soul--at the end of the day we just want to know you more. Thank you for your holiness, your presence, and your grace in our lives. I'm coming back to the heart of my life's worship--I'm coming back to you. Thanks for waiting and not giving up on me.

10 Things I think

Okay friends, so even with my being absent in Duluth, Minnesota (good times-good people-Great God), I have still managed to create a list. I mean, with 3 different plane rides there and back (that's 6 total for all you accountants out there), I had plenty of time to think about a variety of things. So here goes, and thanks in advance for the love and visits. Peace.

10 Things I Think...

1) The Self-Checkout machines @ grocery stores can be a frustrating thing. Ya know, I like the concept and idea, but somewhere between the sensors and the scanning lies a world of "please wait for cashier assistance." Translation = I should of just gone through the regular line, waited a few extra moments (which ends up being the same amount of time anyway), and chuckled up some good conversation with the workers. There's my future plan, people.

2) After 40 pages of his writings, Barack Obama means radical, authentic business. I'm currently reading The Authenticity of Hope, and I'll be honest--it's clever. Okay, so I've grown up with this whole idea of Christians voting Republican by default, and I'm not really sure what all that means except for the abortion issue. Yes, JFK had his character flaws and personal issues, but at his core was a man driven for social action, innovation, and change. At his core, he was a leader--the kind you want to follow regardless of imperfections. Hey, Obama has 2 daughters (6 & 9), and is still trying to figure out all the purpose and meaning of life and such. But he loves God, his family, and articulates intelligence with the kind of authenticity that I gravitate toward--think Donald Miller as a politcal leader. I am intrigued.

3) Sometimes you can be so hungry, even the sauce on the Taco Bell wrapper is worth licking. So, I was in the airport in Dallas Friday and witnessed a fella do this. Like, he actually finished his taco, pulled the wrapper up to his face, and licked the excess sauce. It was odd, embarassing, and I'd never like to see it again.

4) I hope all of you watched out for double-dippers @ your Super Bowl parties. I was watching the short news clip about how thousands of bacteria can be transferred when someone double-dips and contaminates the whole bowl. They said you might as well look around the room and smooth every single person in there. Yummy.

5) Eli Manning = making the most of the Big Stage.

6) If each of us made a vow to boycott Reality TV of ANY kind, the Networks would have choice but to end the Writer's Strike. I realize that this might require a lot from some of you, being that you have an addiction to some shows with an island and immunity challenges, or even that one show that Isfsf consider glorified karyoke. Hey, but wouldn't ya rather be watching Michael Scott and the Scranton Branch?

7)I'm starting to think tha Oprah might have more purpose towards the good of humanity and the Christian mission than Joel Osteen. You are entitled to disagree here, but the fact remains that my limited scope of TV viewing seems to always display Oprah donating/helping/changing some kind of rotten situation or opressed people, and the Osteens via Lakewood Church celebrate God and themselves at the same time. I could be wrong, and I appreciate that brother Joel has given people perspective in the name of Jesus, but I see more action from the lady with white leather couches and fancy studio. Last I checked, faith without works is dead, and proclamations without action is something Jesus could care less for.

8) When my daughter sings a Sunday School Song, I could just listen forever. It doesn't matter if it's about the wise man & the rock or a little light of hers or even kum-by-yah. It's precious and priceless.

9) If you'd like to read a book about maintaining your character, check out Deadly Character Assassins. It's short, clever, not preachy or extremely religious, and bases the entire discussion around Kung Fu and Ninjas. Oh yes, that's what I said.

10) LOST Season 4 is off to a solid start--more fantab-u-lous adventure ahead.

10 Things I Think...

I was browsing around on http://www.si.com/ awhile back, and I noticed that nearly every week a very renowned sports reporter named Peter King does this thing where he lists 10 things he thinks about sports and what's going on in that world. I thought that was pretty cool, and I'd like to adapt that for my own unique mind, and share with you 10 Things I think, and understand...it's not going to be limited to sports only. In fact, it won't even be close. Oh, and I'm making it my goal to post 1 of these lists a week along with 1 normal muse about life and faith. Cool beans...hope ya like it. And if you don't...bah. It's not your 10 thoughts--create your own.

10 Things I Think...

1) The movie Atonement is completely overrated. Yes, there's cool camera shots, beautiful people, and pretty accents, but it didn't do it for me. Like, all I walked away with is don't be a deranged, obsessive-compulsive little child who imagines up fairy tales with your crush in them. Come on, there's better uses of my time out there.
2) You should check out "To know your name" by Hillsong. In a word: unreal. This group just has God flowing through them when they create these ballads of praise which just capture my expression of worship and devotion to Jesus. Listen to the lyrics--simple, but clever.
3) I'm worried this extreme cold-weather might somehow be related to a sliver of Gore's theories on the planet. Okay, so even if his numbers were skewed, he still might be on the right path. Hang in there, polar bears.
4) There's nothing like a well-timed flatulation. And understand, it doesn't have to be from me. Actually, the one I referring to occurred in the 3rd-4th-5th grade class I'm now teaching on Wednesday nights. I had just opened up to this text in Romans, and we're all in a circle with our heads bowed, ready to pour over God's word, and then...squirt. And them some chuckles. And there's really nothing you can do about it except acknowledge the slippage and move on. I suppose if it odor was a horrible determent, you could grab air freshener.
5) I'd like to Eli Manning to achieve something Peyton hasn't. Ya know, it seems to me that it's harder to be the younger brother of a famous successful older bro, and here Eli is at a younger age than Peyton was playing in the Big Game. I'm not sure I'm rooting for any team, but more just a good game--in my book, either outcome makes a good story because I really can't stand the giraffe-necked QB of the Colts.
6) That ultrasound wand-stick-thing is mighty cool if you think about it.
7) Heath Ledger blew it. Whatever the reasons for his death, it still frustrates me. No, he's not perfect, and I hurt for his family and friends. Yet, there's this part of me that gets irritated when a young celebrity fails to realize his/her place of influence within their generation--they'd rather play roulette with substances and night-life and just do whatever the heck they please. It seems like this happens every couple years, ya know? I'll miss not seeing him grow old on the silver screen--and it's gonna be weird watching any of movies from here on out.
8) I need to learn more about this new tax return thing--$$$$ for you and me??
9) I also need prayers to not be angry, competitive, or condescending with my future son. I'd like to aim at being a daddy he loves, respects, and wants to be like.
10) LOST Season 4 will completely recapture the Worldwide BUZZ that it had in the early ventures of Season 1. Mark my words, friends...it's gonna happen.

Hasta La Vista, baby...

So, my friends, before you read on let me begin by saying thanks. Thanks for taking just a few moments to let your eyes glaze over these letters, words, and sentences that I have somehow shaped into thoughts and insights. I don't quite know why you choose to keep pace with my randomness (it's a like running a marathon or anything difficult), but I am so honored you take a few moments to check in on me in the digital world. I'll have you know I'm doing well, and that God has blessed my life in numerous areas, and I suppose the whole reason for this blog thing is to record my continual awe & wonder at how He's living and active in the world all around us.

So, with that being said, let's move on, my friends.

I am ready to commit to a new TV show--call it boredom @ the Writer's Strike, call it giving a bizarre over-rated movie franchise a chance, whatever...but the Sarah Connor Chronicles on Fox seems kind of intriguing. Like, it looks like it's trying for the edge of the early 24 Seasons, and that's saying something. And so I got to thinking about this whole idea of The Terminator & what God is doing in my life right now.

Carly and I have been called by God to serve Him in Children's Ministry. There, I just came right out and said it, for those of you reading this who haven't heard yet. And understand that it's got nothing to do with being "done" with teens, or giving up on teens, or evening feeling like we're not effective in ministry with them anymore. No, it's more of God re-aligning us, re-positioning us where He wants us to be in this spiritual effort for the Kingdom.

Some people were praying for us today @ church, and I love some of the words/phrases that were used during their prayers to describe the situation and all our hearts at this time: "(Bartees)...are opening up their hearts & arms to even more people..." & "(youth group)...simply sharing the Bartees with others who need them right now..." Man, I'm digging all that. I'm loving the perspective, the honesty, and the sincere well-wishing right there from those prayers. It's always something to marvel at when people communicate love and appreciation and you feel it's not really as deserving or you simply don't see it coming. God must delight in blessing His children in those unique ways.

Back to Sarah & Jon Connor. (For those of you who've heard these words/analogy come from my lips in the last 24 hours, I apologize--although I do sense I can articulate even better what I wanted to say then.)

The whole concept of The Terminator movie franchise is this: in the future, there is war between machines and humans--and this pre-dates The Matrix Trilogy--and the humans are ultimately victorious because of their incredible leader, one Jon Connor. The machines are super clever, though, and devise a plan to alter time/history/the future by killing Jon Connor before he ever assumes the mantel of leadership. Thus they send a Terminator back in time to destroy Jon Connor's very existence by killing his mother (the original), then Jon as a teen (T2), and then as an up-and-coming leader (rise of the machines).

However, the humans are just as clever, if not more brilliant. They, too, send someone back in time to defend Jon Connor and protect his life from the shiny-steel assassins. And I guess that's the cool part about the whole plot. We never get to see what Jon Connor ultimately does in the future in the war with the machines, but we are drawn into this story of protection, justice, sacrifice, and hope. It's a story that parallels with my own.

You see, the Enemy is stepping up his game with every passing day. The things that were once considered to be adult, college, or even teenage struggles are now being presented to little children on a silver platter. And let me tell you, it's disturbing that some kiddos out there are gobbling it up. You know, the classic temptations we hate such as alcohol, sex, violence, the Internet, drugs, and addicting behaviors are beginning to plague our children @ church and school. And so I see Satan changing up his strategy--he's going back to the early stages of a person's life, where they can first begin to make choices, and he's trying to eliminate what is sacred. He's to destroy what is beautiful and precious...he's trying to crush hope.

And here is where I find God's call. I am convinced at my core that He desires my best efforts in ministry to meet Satan at the very spot of his attack--at the kid world. I believe God would have me defend combat the Enemy, defend His sacred, precious, and beautiful children, all the while showing them how incredibly HUGE His love for each of them is. Even though I don't understand all of what that will look like right now, I am ready for the sacrifices that God may want to ask of me.

So, I'd like to ask for your prayers. Prayers because we need them as we launch into a new ministry adventure. Prayers because it's very sad & bittersweet to really fully leave youth ministry--I mean, it's all we've ever known...it's what we do...we absolutely have loved the relationships, experiences, and memories that the teens & their families have provided us. We feel incredibly blessed for the time we've served with students, and are excited about what the future holds for our ministry, and the Kingdom in general. And, as far as this blogging thing goes, well...to quote the man himself,

"I'll be back."

Belief

I've been watching a lot of random TV lately...and by that I don't mean any new shows, just more strange and bizarre television events. Somewhere between the New Hampshire debates, the Roger Clemens circus, and Hannah Montana, I find myself processing something very new.

We have a hard time believing in anything or anyone anymore.

And ya know, part of it is related to some cultural & age differences between the generations. For instance, people my parents age might be more inclined to extend the benefit of the doubt more generously with athletes, politicians, and celebrities. There was a time when you could take someone at their word, and it was more than Coosh's dad saying, "My word is stronger than oak." (if you're in the dark, see Jerry McGuire on TBS just as soon as ya can)

Nowadays folks don't buy it. The words that come out of people's mouths in front of cameras, microphones, or in print often dissolve like cotton candy in the hands of a child. And as someone who is just trying to keep up with all the promises, the "he said-she said" stuff, and the sacred truth, I find myself very discouraged and filled with a growing cynicism.

Let's face it--we've become a bunch of hungry sharks who race miles across the ocean of decency and morality to FEAST when we smell blood in the water. We just seem to gravitate towards the saucy, we seem mesmerized by the violations and mistakes of others, and we are more than happy to pronunce social sentencing of a person in our hearts, minds, and sphere of influence.

Lately I am wrestling with the profound thought that how in the heck are people supposed to believe in Jesus, how can they take him at His word in a world where the audience doesn't sit with open ears and open hearts to listen as much as they stand behind the flag of skepticism and disbelief...it's like their thinking, "All you can hope to accomplish with me is to change my mind, and you better understand that the odds are not in your favor. I've been burned too many times but false hopes, false promises. Talk is cheap, my friend, and I'll have you know right now, I'm probably not buying."

I don't know whether Roger Clemens used steroids or not. I don't care. That's on his integrity, that's a place for he and God to be honest, not me. I don't know about politicians. Some of them, even with their best intentions/plans/speeches just come off so shaped, forced, and un-geniune. I'd like to believe Barack Obama. I'd like to believe in a change of more than words, but deeds of good and service for others (particularly the poor). Who knows what the future holds with this. And good grief--can we just let Britney recover in peace? It's nobodies place to know, care, or video her coming apart @ the seems. Let's have some decency.

I do know this...I believe in God the Father, Almighty Maker of Heaven, and the Maker of Earth. I believe in Jesus Christ, His only begotten Son, our Lord.

Jesus is not standing in front of any mics or cameras today, or at the source of such controversy that the paparazzi is hounding Him...but His words pierce my heart. His lifestyle captures my attention. His intentionality with hope for all people captivates me at my core. I will follow that. I will believe Him at His every word, no matter my cynicism or doubt.

I love you, Lord.

Caution

Note to all: if you plan to shake my daughter's hand, give her High-5, or have her hand-feed you a various assortment of foods, please proceed with caution. You just might encounter a substance or smell that is not meant to be on human hands...consider yourself warned.

Shiloh, my 2-year-old princess, has this unique curiosity with taking her hands and placing them down her diaper. I don't think it's a readjustment. I don't even think it's related to anything positive (like scratching an itch, etc.). No, it's just sheer exploration, and wouldn't ya know, it never really happens when she's got a CLEAN pull-up.

Several days over the past few weeks have started with a similar routine. Shiloh enters our bedroom, nearly ready to lovingly pat on my side of the bed to wake me up...when by some Sixth Sense, I instantly rise with the awareness of a puma, the smell of a bear, and the speed of a cheetah. I ask her the question I already know the answer to, and we rush off to her bedroom, all the while trying not to stir mommy.

After the cleansing of booty + hands/fingers, I redress her and do my best attempt at eye contact for what I'm about to say; "Shiloh, we don't put our hands or fingers in our diaper, okay?" She blinks, nods, and responds with a loving "okay" followed by a hug. Sometimes I wonder if my efforts to correct, redirect, and instruct her in things like this really matter. Like, do they really get through to her, or are they a redundant lip service which is to continue until she's 3 or 4?

Today, my daughter amazed me. I'd love to tell you that we have magically arrived at a place of perfect potty-training, and finger-less diaper activity. I'm sorry, that's not the case yet. But Shiloh did manage to set her plush Elmo friend down and instruct him that he did not need to put his hands in his pants. And to that end, his diaper. The red fur ball needed to be informed that this was a no-no.

When my laughter ceased, some strange feelings came over me. Yes, one of the first emotions was a sense of pride in that I realized that my daughter not only listened, but also remembered our instructions to her. In fact, she nearly recited them word for word, applying them that very same day to one of her closest celebrity friends. Ah, I was doing my job, folks.

Then another thought crept into the front of my mind, and it was one that threatened to squash my sense of joy and wonder at Shiloh's reprimand of Elmo. Why did my daughter feel so compelled to listen and know what my desires were for her, yet did not do them? Furthermore, she bypassed herself from responsibility and moved straight to someone I had clearly not cared a lick about their hands in their pants.

Scrambling for understanding, my thoughts turned instantly to a famous quote and a famous verse from Scripture. In one of my top 5 movies of all time, The Matrix, Morpheus lays this statement at Neo's feet: "There is a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path." I love that. I love it even more when I reflect on James 1:22: "Do not merely listen to the word, but do what it says." This is the insight from God that was given me through this most bizarre event with my precious daughter.

So may we all come to obedience with God's desires and instructions for our lives. May we pour out action from our understanding of the great truths of His word. And may we keep our hands out of our poopy diapers.

Panera Bread

I'll never forget the first time I was introduced to Panera Bread. It was Wednesday, November 15th, 2006. That morning, tragedy struck our church and Christian School family. One of our students, Grant Zeinert, a 16-year old sophomore at the time, was found dead in his room. He was an accidental casualty of the choking game, or some form of it.


It was an incredibly rough morning. In the driveway outside his house, I huddled with several of his friends & various adults, and we just cried. We stood there speechless at times just crying. Other moments we hugged, and then we circled up and prayed. We prayed a bunch from what I remember that morning. It seemed to help the time pass.


After a few hours, I was able to go in the house and see Grant's mom, Paige. There's really no words to describe the storm of emotions tossing around inside her...her husband Randy was actually being located in a remote section of Idaho at the time, and a close family friend sent a chartered jet to retrieve him immediately.


A couple men and I went up into Grant's room, and that was an experience. Of course the police, firemen, doctors, etc. had already been there...but simply to hover in a space where he had just been--gently examine various parts of his room, desperately hoping to find some kind of lead or answer as to why this all happened, ya know...what motivated this whole event. We didn't find much. I do remember looking into the closet though, and my heart just sank. A part of me is still up there in that room, looking for the young man I had the privilege of baptizing just a few short months before @ Harding Uplift.


Lunch was where things took an interesting turn. I met several of his classmates, some of which were in our youth group @ Panera Bread, and I'll be honest, I didn't know what to expect. I guess I was always working under the impression that this was just another cousin of my arch-nemesis of restaurants--La Madeline, Cafe Express, etc. Boy was I wrong.

I devoured one of their zesty sandwiches and treated myself to a Cinnamon Crunch Bagel for dessert. I was stuffed but oh so satisfied. And yet sometime during the feast one of the students explained to me why they had chosen Panera for lunch on this horrible day. They told me that this was Grant's favorite place in all the world--and that we showed him honor by eating here on the day of his death. And ya know...Panera Bread has meant a whole lot to me since that day.

Every Friday my wife and I have a date day...it is truly wonderful. We begin by dropping our amazing daughter off at pre-school, which sort of serves as the best free babysitting we could ever hope for. We then head to an incredible place for our breakfast, and yes, you're brain might be predicting it...it's Panera Bread. We pig out on Cinnamon Crunch bagels, mess around on their wi-fi, and have a grand 'ole time. We conclude the day with an early movie at AMC Willowbrook for only $5 a ticket--nice! (sometimes we snag lunch after that, depending on the cravings)

I blog about all this to say that every time I step foot in a Panera Bread, I feel at peace. I feel a home. I feel like someone who I treasured, someone who has departed me now to go begin with God, is close to me. I believe I can just sit forever in one of these booths, and just eat, type, drink aqua or Dew, and on and on...

Grant, I miss you everyday, buddy. I promise to remember you everyday for the rest of my life. Thanks for showing me something of God's heart during your years here on this earth. I will see you again...but not yet. Not yet.